So Valentines day passed again! This time of the year tends to get a bit tricky to navigate for many people I know. People that are either alone, with no partner, or maybe going through a tough phase with their valentine.
A single friend was asking me yesterday what would be the key advice that I would give a woman so she can have a successful date. Her last dates had ended up in deceptions. I could think of three things. Three things I’ve been doing for a while and that made a big difference when I was dating.  These are suggestions that will allow you to know yourself better in areas that are very important and that will have a significant impact on the unfolding of the date.
So here they are:

1-. Be aware of your hormonal cycle. This is not only during the day when your date is taking place but always. Check how you feel sexually and creatively, how does your mood change when you are ovulating, compared with when you are not? When is your libido at its highest? When are you more sensitive? All of these ups and downs will have a big influence on how you perceive your prince charmant. You may see him as more handsome that he really is, or less. You may be willing to overlook many characteristics that you can’t live with in a relationship if your libido is high.

I was brought up in a time when a whole generation of women (my mother also) lived to prove that women and men are the same. As a part of this fight, and also because of the relatively undeveloped field of brain studies at the time, we insisted that we were the same as men. But this is simply not the case. Of course, we must have the same rights as men (in that sense the fight continues in many countries)  but it is more clear than ever that our brains are not the same. Neuroscience has proven that there is a difference in our brain structure. And the most important one: every month during menstruation a woman’s brain can change up to 25% of its structure due to the hormonal party taking place in our body. So it’s key to know in what way these changes affect your life and your interaction with a potential partner. What is really happening as opposed to what it is that you are projecting onto the other. Many of the judgments we build about others are based on our emotions, and our emotions are influenced to a large part by our hormones. So if you can check up on your hormonal changes and how they affect you, you will know what you are bringing to your next date.

2-. Imagining your ideal partner: Have you ever imagined what kind of person your ideal partner would be? I mean, have you written down a description of your ideal partner? It’s a powerful exercise, and usually it brings clarity about what the no-gos in a relationship would be for you, and also what it is that you really want. It is as simple as to write it down on paper – how do you visualise your ideal partner? Be as precise as you can. Activate your five senses. Ask yourself how you would like him to be physically; his skin, soft or more rustic dryish? Would he have a sense of humour? Or would he be more discrete and serious? Towards which profession would he be oriented? Artist? Lawyer? Sportsman, doctor, etc? Do you want a partner at all?

This exercise will take you out of the complaining and negative tone concerning old partners, and will put you in a more clear place to create what you really want. When you have all the details (this can take time, you don’t have to do it all at once), as a second exercise ask yourself in what emotional and mental state you should be to be a match to the person you pictured. If you are always complaining, with a victim mentality, insecure, do you think you will be in the same emotional place as the person you described? What can you change in your behaviour, in your way of approaching life that can align you with your potential partner. Describe your characteristics, be precise. The power of this exercise is that it shows you clearly how we create the right environment inside of us to welcome the person we share our life with. So prepare your nest. Dream big and align with your dream.

3-. Drop the test mode and engage in fun mode. For me almost everything in life, and specially dating, is about having some kind of fun. It’s about having a good time instead of what often happens: obsessively examining each other. To the degree that you tend to feel you are passing a test when you are on a date, or you are the one setting the test, you are losing a big opportunity to have a real exchange with the other. I learned this the hard way. I have memories of dates where I only remember the negative traits of the person I had dinner with, and forgot all about the restaurant, even if it was chic or charming. I was completely focused on that person and put all my expectations on him, and because of that I missed the moment with all its richness. When I changed perspective and made it more about the whole experience, about the food we were eating, the charm of the live music, being relaxed just enjoying life in that precise place and time, it all got a new, special spark. And if the date didn’t work, we actually became good friends. So dropping the tension of test mode opens the way for many kinds of different possibilities in the exchange with another person. When you are not expecting it, when you are just relaxed and enjoying life, the paradox is that you become irresistible. When you create magic with that relaxed attitude during a date there is no space for power or control (is he going to call me again? No? AAAHHH) the exchange is light and sweet.

So to shift perspective, if you haven’t yet, I suggest you train yourself in your daily life to have a good time. Explore your creativity – write, dance, cook, do anything that makes you feel fulfilled and happy. The more open, vibrant and happy you are the more you will enjoy life, and the less you will expect others to fulfill your amusement needs. You will be creating your own spark. And that’s important because who doesn’t want to be with someone that creates spark?
If you are in Berlin on February 28 come and boost your self confidence  and get that spark shining in my Pranayama Breathing Session for Women in YogaZentrum in Schöneberg. All the details bellow.

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